Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
