i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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