Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
