If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
