I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
