DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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