I think my fart just growled at me.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
