you traded sex for a burrito?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize