Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
