the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
