Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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