there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
