I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
