His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I am spending my child support on dildos
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
