she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Randomize
