For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
