if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
My Higher Power is John Stamos
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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