I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
