:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
