White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
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