Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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