I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Fuck appropriateness.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
