I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
