ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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