A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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