we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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