If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
