Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
