He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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