Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
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