u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Randomize
