Kareoke will never be a sober sport
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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