I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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