i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
