i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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