But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
