Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
