she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
