I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
