drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
