You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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