That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
