OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
