While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
