My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Randomize
