She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
