she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Floor bacon is actually really good
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
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