I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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