my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
