3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
