I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
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The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
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tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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