I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
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