remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
