I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
