I wanna bring you to show and tell
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
love makes seman taste better
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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