Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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