If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
