Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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