he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
