bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
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I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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