I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
