And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
