It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize