Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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