Only a mothe r could love this liver
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
