like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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