My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
