after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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