I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
be right there i have to get my cape
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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