I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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