He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize