I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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