I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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