I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
