Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
