Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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