how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She told me I should be a condom model.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
