Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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