So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
