My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
