We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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